


Courting Danger

by RaiofSunshine



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alastor is a Hoarder, Courtship, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multi, Shadow Valentino, Shadow Vox, Silly, Soft Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Vox Speaks Like Max Headroom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:22:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25678813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaiofSunshine/pseuds/RaiofSunshine
Summary: Valentino & Vox are notorious for having a tumultuous relationship, but they've never put someone smack dab in the center of their break ups. At least until now.
Relationships: Alastor/Valentino (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Valentino/Vox (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Vox (Hazbin Hotel), Valentino/Vox (Hazbin Hotel)
Comments: 88
Kudos: 291





	1. Whore Heels Roasting On An Open Fire

**Author's Note:**

> So, many things to preceed this with!
> 
> First, that this waaas supposed to be a one-shot inspired by a hilarious meme done by @MPeeniet
> 
> But it turns out, that was a lie, thanks to the overwhelming support and love of the StaticMoth Hell server and the galaxy brain of @AwesomeInTheor1 as her excellent spitballing of ideas led to this becoming a multiple chapter fic!
> 
> And lastly, though not in the first chapter, Vox's dialogue is a reference to the fantastical writing of @vol_ctrl and his Max Headroom glitch headcanon <3
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and the future chapters to come, my fellow denizens of Hazbin hell! <3

_ "Pentagram City power couple Vox and Valentino announced their most recent break up over Sinstagram last night. The TV demon was quoted posting, 'Fuck you, rat'. Is this the end of the dynamic overlord duo? More tonight at-" _ The television was forcibly shut off, the cord unplugged by a sneaky black tentacle.

Charlie turned with a puppy-like whine to the crimson clad demon who sipped coffee at the bar. "Alastooooor! I was watching that!"

"It was nonsense, dear. You aren't missing much. Those two buffoons break up more times than I burst into song." Alastor snorted into his cup, waving his free hand airily in the direction of the darkened TV.

Charlie pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. "Maybe so, but it's rude to just unplug things like that."

"Ya ain't gonna get far with him, toots. Ya better off just not watching those things in front of him." Husk spoke up from behind the bar, sighing as he refilled the cup Alastor held out to him.

Charlie lifted a finger, as if conjuring a lecture on manners to stun the Radio Demon, when the hotel doorbell chimed. A blur whooshed past into the foyer, the door flying open as Niffty answered. "Hello there! Ooooh a package? Sure, I'll sign!" A few moments later and the front door was hastily closed.

The three watched as the smallest staff member zipped to the bar, a weighty box held above her head. She hopped up onto a stool, setting the box on the counter. "It's for you, Alastor!" Niffty exclaimed, throwing up her hands like it was worth celebrating.

The smiling sinner quirked a brow at the announcement, his lips tightening at the box in front of him. "Hm? I don't recall expecting a package. Husker, my friend, won't you open it for me? I wouldn't want it to be a mail-order parasite."

Husk narrowed his eyes, clearly grumpy but with enough mental clarity to do as he was told. Carefully, he used his claws to slice open the tape on the box before unfolding the freed flaps. Alastor's face went nearly slack at the sight of the contents, his smile barely held by a sliver of composure.

Before the jazz savant could even open his mouth, Husk was doubled over the bar, wheezing from shocked amusement, "Ya fucking got whore heels! Holy shit!"

Alastor shot his furry companion a glare, unimpressed by the comment. Without hesitation, he dumped the contents of the box onto the bar so he could turn it over in his hands. Sinful red stiletto heels clunked on the wood, matching rhinestones decorating the centerpiece.

"Are you certain these aren't for our effeminate spider guest?" The deer demon turned the box every which way before finding the address. Brows furrowing deeply, he deciphered the overly elegant cursive on the cardboard. "To Alastor the Radio Demon, from...Valentino"

The knowledge didn't have much time to sink in before the doorbell rang again, Niffty more than delighted to answer the door a second time. "I swear, if that is the cursed moth lecher himself…" Alastor ground out, his smile set sharp on his face.

"Another package for Alastor! Ooh, so big! Huuusk, can you help with this one?" The wee sinner cried out, enjoying this sudden surge of gifts more than her boss. Husk grumbled but acquiesced, trudging out from behind the bar to give a hand. The two of them came in moments later with a wide and flat box. 

Most suddenly, Alastor pointed at the pair. "That is quite close enough! You can open it over there!" His grin held malice as he stared at the package. No one in the room could miss the staticy scrawl on the front portion that read 'Vox'.

Niffty was quick to fall in line, only too happy to tear open the box herself. As the cardboard fell away, a flatscreen television was revealed, large and expensive in appearance. The purveyor of broadcasting let out a record scratch, eyes slitting dangerously.

~ ~ ~

The television lay in front of the hotel, set ablaze and roasting the shoes atop it. Alastor stood before the contained inferno, casually reading the notes that had been tucked away in the gifts before tossing them into the fire.

"Sooooo? Why are they sending you gifts? Oh my gosh, is it your birthday?" Charlie peeked out from the doorway, gasping at the possibility.

The slaughterer of sinners glanced her way, smirk curling the edges of his lips up. "No no, nothing of the sort. These two hooligans are simply doing this to make each other jealous."

Charlie seemed to be confused by his certainty as she tilted her head, "Did they tell you that in their notes?"

"Oh no, but I am no fool, dear. The morning after their break up, my enemy and his ex suddenly send me 'gifts'? Such ridiculous tactics could never work on me." Alastor scoffed, his tone brimming with superiority.

The charming demon belle giggled as she looked at the evidence of his staunch refusal, "So then, what're you going to do about them?"

Shrugging, the courted deer appeared every bit as uncaring as he felt, "Nothing. Let them waste their money on trivial trinkets. I can just dispose of the trash myself."

"Alastor, isn't that impolite?" She placed her hands on her hips, trying to sway him towards propriety. But, the demon in question only gave her a satisfied smile before snapping, his body being swallowed whole by a shadow.

~ ~ ~

The next day brought about with it new gifts, and different irritations for Alastor as he sat at the bar, glaring at the two items. In one box sat a coat of deep vermillion, the fluffy-soft texture beckoning the deer to stroke it. The other contained an affront, a facsimile of a table-top radio, all bright lights and MP3 capable.

Husk watched him, brow scrunched together while he cleaned a glass. "Okay, the vHome I can understand, but the fuck is wrong with the coat?"

Alastor murmured into his coffee, gaze sharpening at the article of clothing, "It is a nice coat." He offered nothing else, leaving Husk to pick the puzzle up himself.

The bartender looked between his annoyed boss and the mass of softness then snorted, "Ya mad cuz ya actually wanna keep it?"

A sneer teased at the cardinal sinner's lips. "I do not  _ want _ to keep it at all."

"Correction, Al. Ya don't wanna admit that ya like it."

"Husker, my dear, shouldn't you have an ounce of self-preservation?" Alastor's scrutiny held a thinly veiled threat.

Shrugging, Husk chuckled lightly, "Double Hell sounds pretty tempting, what can I say."

"Keep up that nonsense and I foresee a permanent trip there." The antlered demon got up from his seat, taking the box of red fluff with him as he strolled to the elevator.

"Ya just gonna leave this shit on my bar?"

Alastor turned enough to shoot the feline alcoholic with a casual smile. "Dispose of it as you see fit, would you? I wouldn't want to touch that contraption myself." With that, he stepped into the elevator as it opened in arrival. 

When the doors started to close, Husk caught a candid glimpse of slender fingers woven into the coat's fur.

~ ~ ~

It took four consecutive mornings until Alastor had learned exactly when the courier would arrive. Before the first chime was even complete, the front door was swinging open.

"Good morning, my letterly denizen! I believe you have something for me?" The Radio Demon didn't mean to sound so expectant, but these overlords really had him trained well with this clockwork mockery of a courtship.

The delivery imp stared up at him nervously before gulping, reaching into their satchel to pass Alastor two parcels. The musical deer found his brow furrowed, noting that both items were quite small compared to previously received presents. Ignoring the imp before him, he absentmindedly stepped right into his shadow, and walked out the other side into his bedroom.

"Curious...are they finally admitting how foolish they've been?"

Shaking the envelopes, he could hear that while both shuffled with stationary inside, one had distinctively metallic clinking. His ears twitched, curiosity coaxing him to have a seat on the bed so he could investigate properly. Fingers itching eagerly, he used the tip of a digit to slice the paper open.

Tilting it upside down, it took only a light tap for a flash of gold to come out and land atop the bed. Glinting up from the comforter sat a locket, the face of it encrusted with a rubied A. The sight of it bewitched Alastor for a few moments, inviting him to put it on, before he hastily turned away from the charming trinket.

Noticing the television demon's personal form of chicken scratch on the front, he was wary as he opened the other envelope. A seemingly harmless paper fit snugly within until he removed it like a potentially ticking bomb. Unfolding it, the writing that greeted him was similar to Vox's, yet there was a decided steadiness to each stroke of the pen.

_ Celestial red _

_ Bleeding from the midnight moon _

_ Crimson engulfs me _

_ ~ _

_ Antlers that skewer _

_ Silky, downy ears and tail _

_ Teeth so dagger sharp _

_ ~ _

_ Voice like molasses _

_ All warmth with its dulcet tones _

_ It sticks to my brain _

A dull thrum of static gradually filled the air, Alastor unaware of it until it reached a fevered pitch, his bones rattling in their fleshy capsule. With a long, steadying breath he calmed it back down then, as if unaffected, slid the paper back into the envelope.

~ ~ ~

_ "This just in sinners and pseudo-saints! After a week of ghosting social media, the power couple is back together! Now, we all know how disappointing-" _ As if cued by déjà vu, Charlie whipped around to plead at the primary suspect.

"Awww, come on! Can't I please just watch the news in peace for once?" 

Alastor spared her only an iced glance. "News that is not. Why, I saw that coming a mile away. Such fickle imbeciles those two are. They deserve each other."

"Ya sure sound slighted there, Al. Don't take it personally. Ya better off without attracting bozos like them." Husk grimaced, his awkward attempt at comforting his boss shot down with a raised brow.

"Infer such things again and I'll use your tail as a personal walking cane, my clumsy-tongued sport."

Muttering his half-hearted apologies, Husk went back to restocking the liquor as Alastor's eyes found themselves drawn to the front door.

But, when the door did not ring, and no packages came at their scheduled time, his hand briefly lifted to touch a peek of gold around his throat.


	2. Shadows Have Their Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The status quo for one lively sinner has taken quite the turn since the game of courtship began. Is he ready for it to change again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two shoutouts this time around!  
> First, for @AwesomeinTheor1 and her galaxy brain!  
> Secondly, for @vol_ctrl and his ever fun Max Headroom glitch headcanon!  
> (Seriously though if you enjoy StaticLoveTune, and haven't already, please read his stuff!)

After the third iteration of Sugar Bambi, as the staff had not-so-secretly dubbed it, it was unanimously agreed upon that any early morning doorbells were answered by the upbeat demon. So when the chime was interrupted by an all-too-eager Alastor, nobody batted an eye or turned a head.

"Good morning, Axxel! I see you're doing well this morning!" The chipper sinner greeted with familiarity, signing for the two packages the imp had set down for him.

"Mhm no muggins or death threats, least not yet." The courier snorted, carefree and relaxed despite the reputation of the recipient towering over him.

Alastor's grin grew, lined with untold knowledge. "Oh? How serendipitous. I am  _ sure _ your good fortune will last a while to come." The imp didn't have time to question the assured tone, the deer demon disappearing through his shadow with a departing wave.

Appearing in the hallway of his designated floor, he set the parcels down by their assigned destinations, two adjacent doors across from his own room. Tapping his chin, he looked between the deceptively similar slabs of wood.

Choosing had become so difficult after a while. His indecisiveness had nearly awarded him an intervention, but a begrudging discussion with Charlie and Vaggie had instead led to a pleasant arrangement.

Studying the doors for a moment more, he then chortled to himself, "You went first last time, Valentino, so could you be a dear and get the door, Vox?" The otherwise silent hall was interrupted by the clicking of a lock, the barrier opening to reveal the glow of LED lights and electric humming behind a shadowy silhouette, its inky head distinctively rectangular in nature.

Alastor's smile couldn't hold back the radiating warmth as he scooped up the corresponding package, nearly skipping past the facsimile of his rival. Passing an assortment of musical equipment, the cardinal sinner took a seat on the room's couch, waiting anxiously for the pitch black figure to sit beside him.

When Shadow Vox pulled him close, he swatted at its chest, giggles bubbling up from his throat. "You missed me that much, hm? Well, I would say that I'm sorry to indirectly hear of your hundredth or so break up, but I'm not one to be dishonest."

No words came from Shadow Vox, but that wasn't unusual. It was only an imitation of the real deal, albeit being under his personal influence. It pet the space between his ears with a large claw, sending delighted shivers as he melted into its controlled touch.

"So affectionate today, are we? Let's see what you got for me this time!" Like a kid on Christmas, Alastor unwrapped the package as if it wasn't one in a long line of gifts. The item that came into view was a curious one, a large assortment of colorful buttons on a square base.

"Vox, what is this supposed to be?"

In reply, the shadow stood up and took the electronic, gesturing as if it was explaining to him the important function of the gift. Sighing happily, Alastor imagined he could hear that buzzing deep voice lecturing him, the conjured sound eerily uncanny in his mind. 

It comforted the aching deep inside of him that threatened to shatter his carefully designed illusion. He would likely never experience such joy from its inspiration, but he could be satisfied by the company of a daydream come true.

~ ~ ~

When Shadow Valentino opened the neighboring door for him, it gave a ghastly grin before yanking Alastor into its arms, black claws wandering down to cup his bottom.

"Oh you! Not even a minute and you already have your paws on me!" The Radio Demon squealed, equally parts delighted and teasing.

The imposing minion let out a voiceless chuckle then threw him over its shoulder to carry him further into the room, kicking the bedroom door closed behind it.

Alastor was all laughter as he was tossed playfully onto the bed, his grin splitting his face from ear to ear. When Shadow Valentino covered his body with its own, he felt his breath catch in his throat. The coolness of the shadows had been immersion breaking at first, but after some time it became a welcome normal to these private moments.

Reaching up, he wrapped his arms around the silhouette's neck as he murmured lightly, "You're both awful, really truly. How dare you make me feel like-like  _ this _ ."

His candor earned him a long pause from the imitation lover, making Alastor blink in response. Curious. This reaction wasn't one he expected. He started to think his powers might be on the fritz, until Shadow Valentino was suddenly showering him with staticy cold kisses.

The worry melted from his mind at the frenzied display of affection, the likeness of the moth demon leaving no inch of his face unloved. Its tendril of a tongue tested his mouth's fortitude, heat blossoming between his hips in reply, before he firmly pushed its chest.

"Ah ah, I haven't even opened your gift yet!"

Shadow Valentino appeared to pout, but respectfully moved so that he could sit up and retrieve the parcel from its place still outside the door. So enthusiastic for its embrace, Alastor had almost forgotten a piece to his perfectly curated fantasy. The box he returned with gave his hands no resistance, its contents causing a flush to bloom on his cheeks.

He held up sheer red fabric, its shape sensual and not at all innocent. "You really are incorrigible…" His tone betrayed him, fondness softening what should have been a reprimand. This room's closet was filled with items that would never see the light of day, let alone the hallway outside the door.

Sighing with faux resignation, Alastor beckoned the shadow to lean closer with his finger. He whispered with sinful promise into where he assumed the pimp's ear would be, "Let me get Vox...then I will put it on~"

~ ~ ~

The dining table should've felt lonesome without his favorite chatterbox, but Valentino had gotten accustomed to eating alone during their vacillating relationship status. Their break ups rarely lasted longer than a handful of days, but recently they seemed to be apart more than together. 

Any sign of "disagreement" had them spending time separately, their parting words having lost any venom. Admittedly, it had become a sort of game between the two of them to break up then later fall heatedly back into each other's arms, more charged and eager.

There was also the matter of the elephant, or rather, the  _ deer _ in the room. 

It didn't take long for either of them to figure out their common goal whenever they weren't together. Rather difficult to hide it, especially when the credit card bills arrived. Upon discovery, they had laughed, sharing grins and excited retellings of shopping for their mutual target. 

After a few cycles, they wondered whether Alastor was even receiving the gifts at all, what with the dead air on his end. However, that doubt was easily resolved with a wad of bills and a loose-lipped imp. Hearing that the Radio Demon himself was anticipating their presents gave them a newfound determination. 

Valentino knew full well that Vox's purchases had out-paced him in price, but the moth was confident, even borderline smug, in his choices. When the courier let slip that Alastor had regularly started wearing a locket early on in their game, the accessory falling from its hiding spot when he bent to sign for a package, the lecher had been over the moon.

His peaceful breakfast was interrupted when his "ex" burst through the front door, making him drop his spoon of fruit boops back into the bowl.

" _ Mierda _ , babe! A little warnin' next time?"

"Yz-yx-you won't believe what I fx-fz-fx-fucking dreamed!" Vox looked like he had sprinted over, which considering the mile between Porn Studios and V-Network, was mildly impressive. The pimp paused at the claim, his interest piqued.

The TV demon started pacing in front of beau, his screen glitching out to switch between his 2D face and images conjured from the mechanical memory. "Sx-sz-so, this isn't actually the fz-fx-first time, but the others were hz-hx-hazy! This time, though-wx-wz-woah!" Valentino was suddenly up in his lover's bubble, holding Vox by the shoulders as he stared at the video feed on his screen. 

There, the Radio Demon was pressed between two figures, yet instead of flesh, there were only charcoal dark shadows. That in itself wouldn't be enough to cause shock, as indecent talks of the cannibal and his minions were commonplace in the bedroom, however there was something else.

The detail that brought a feral grin to the moth's expression, was the sexy little number donning Alastor's lithe and scantily clad body, locket in plain view atop the sheer red.


	3. The Evidence Points to "Yes"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentino is without a doubt that something magical is afoot, but Vox is ever the skeptic.

"Wz-wx-what do you mean it wasn't a dz-dx-dream?"

Vox was sitting far too close for someone who was technically still his ex, upper body twisted so his left leg crossed over Valentino's lap. The pimp supposed that, in light of recent events, they could have a temporary truce.

"That isn't a dream ya had. No fuckin' clue how, but ya seein' Bambi in crisp HD."

"Wx-wz-what's your proof? This is jz-jx-just too freaky to believe, you know?"

The lecher stared at Vox for a few seconds. They were in Hell, where freaky shit happened on a minute to minute basis. Yet  _ this _ was too unbelievable?

Pulling Vox's head close, he clicked his tongue in annoyance, "Just pull ya footage up, dipshit."

The TV demon growled in irritation, obeying the moth's demand begrudgingly. Valentino tinkered with the manual settings on the screen, slowing down the video so he could get the perfect shot. Eyes transfixed, he almost missed the frame in favor of the delicious debauchery in play.

Claw tapping the pause, he stilled the image, then drew some circles. Vox hated when he smudged his face like that, but it was necessary for the moment. Two circles highlighted his key pieces of evidence.

"Aight. Exhibit A is the locket. My fourth present to Bambi."

"Hold uz-ux-up, you remember the order of the gx-gz-gifts you sent?"

"Ya don't?"

"...and anyway, that iz-ix-isn't proof. I knew about the lz-lx-locket, so that's ez-ex-easily explainable."

"Ye, but that looks  _ exactly _ like my locket."

"You also dx-dz-didn't stop gushing about it when that fz-fx-fz-fucking imp said Al wz-wx-was wearing it. So. Y'know."

"Jealous,  _ papito _ ~?"

"Whatever, jz-jx-just get on with you're fucking cz-cx-conspiracy theory."

Valentino snickered, using the tips of two claws to irritatingly zoom in on his second circle.

"See that babydoll he's wearin'? I bought that and had it delivered to him.  _ Yesterday _ ."

"You got hx-hz-him Luci Vuitton lingerie? Fucking hx-hz-hell, you thirsty ass, you aren't ex-ez-even fucking him."

"First of all, ya point is? Secondly, what did  _ ya _ get him?"

"An Innovation Lz-Lx-Launchpad Deluxe. Dz-dx-duh."

Tapping obnoxiously on Vox's face, the lascivious overlord sighed, "Does this thing have English subtitles on, nerd?"

"It's a fucking sz-sx-soundboard, asshole! I thought he could uz-ux-use it to create his ox-oz-own songs." The glitchy tech savant batted the claws away from his face, scooching back on the couch for good measure.

"Real romantic, Fox Boos. This is why he wears  _ my _ gifts and not the ones ya get him."

The video switched over to the media mogul's sneering expression. "Lz-lx-let's say you're right. What dx-dz-does it even mean?"

"Well that's obvious, Voxxy. Did that  _ look _ like Bambi was rejectin' our presents?"

"I mx-mz-mean…no. Lx-lz-looked like he's keeping sz-sx-some of them." Valentino didn't miss the gloomy implication creeping underneath the comment.

"It means that we need to pay our beautiful lil' buck a personal visit~"

~ ~ ~ ~ 

Consciousness tiptoed across his mind, carrying with it the memories of the night before. Void-dark claws in more places than he could keep track of, the welcomed intrusion of chilling appendages in his blazing core. Alastor felt his cheeks flush, reaching out instinctively, only to find the bed empty.

His eyes opened, still-waking brain being greeted with the vacancy of the luxuriously decorated bedroom. Right. Why had he expected anyone to be beside him?

Curling in on himself under the silky comforter, the vermillion deer hugged his bare knees to his chest. The mornings after particularly self-indulgent nights were the loneliest. Stark reminders that it didn't matter how much he tried to fool himself. The powerful pair didn't want him.

Sure, they were more than eager to shower him in expensive items and honey-sweet scriptures. But, had either of them even attempted to show themselves? Of course not. They belonged only to each other. His heart was simply a disposable pawn in their cruel love game.

Wetness stung at his eyelids before hastily being wiped away. He promised himself he wouldn't shed a tear over them. 

A grumbling stomach was the push he needed to actually get out of bed, seeking out the clothing folded neatly atop the dresser. Picking them up, he glanced at the top drawer, its hidden treasures tempting his lovelorn heart. Well, surely it wouldn't hurt to have some pleasant mischief. He deserved a little fun, after all.

With a perkier snap, his usual outfit was magically in place, fitting nice and snug against his slender frame. Going over to the mirror, he gave an admiring once-over then nodded in approval. Even with how tailored his clothing was, it would be difficult to spot the clandestine whispers of a scarlet corset, his hips being gripped sensually by matching lace.

The thought of wearing something so erotic, so private, under his go-to outfit, made him shudder with heat. He would've been enticed to take care of the stirring hunger, but the sound of the doorbell alerted him to the time.

A skip and twirl through his shadow had him at the foyer in a split second, grin bearing the full brunt of his revitalized mood. He opened the door, looking down in anticipation of Axxel's small stature, only to find his blood run cold instead. 

Greyscale oxfords stood beside stiletto boots. 

Alastor didn't have to look up to know who they were attached to, the fuzzy aura that accompanied the TV demon being clue enough.

"Hz-hx-hey-!"

He shut the door. Then he opened it, just to be certain.

"Bambi-"

Slamming it a second time, his eyes felt like they were spinning, the world going topsy turvy in his vision.

Hell had oh so kindly delivered his undoing, right to his doorstep.


	4. Roll Out the Welcome Mat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Déjà vu is pushed aside for some unexpected guests, but what's a hotel without a smile and warm greeting?

"Alastor? Who's at the door?" Charlie popped her head around the corner, curiosity radiating from her ever-wide eyes.

"Oh, just some pesky door salesman! Nothing to worry about!" Panic weaved through his tone steadily.

An upbeat knock rattled the wood behind the deer, muffled voice coming from the other side. "Bambi? What the fuck yo? Open the door."

"Is that…? The hotel owner tilted her head as her gaze fell behind the antlered sentinel.

"The salesman? Oh yes! Quite persistent, that one is!" Laughter squeaked out, wavering in its believability.

"Alastor…" The princess clearly wasn't buying his excuse as she gently prodded him for honesty.

"I...I really must be off! I forgot to pick up my dry cleaning!"

With a hasty jig, Alastor was gone, shadow consuming him in the blink of an eye. Charlie was left standing there, baffled for a moment, before the knocking came again. She crossed the foyer to the door, and without hesitation, opened it.

"Bam-wait. Where's Bambi? He was just here."

Valentino loomed in the doorway, his expression fraught with concern despite the impatience in his words. Vox's screen flickered to a video feed of none other than Alastor, answering the door for them, then abruptly shutting it. In the crystal clear HD, she could easily see the look of surprise in the infinite pool of emotion that was his eyes.

"If you mean Alastor, he uh...just left."

"What dz-dx-do you mean he left?"

"He said he had to pick up dry cleaning and um….disappeared into one of his shadows."

" _Amorcita_ , what's going on-um why the fuck are _they_ here?" Vaggie motioned towards the towering pair, eyes narrowing.

"We can fuckin' hear ya, _chiquita_. And, we came to see Bambi. Ya know. Red, adorable, dopey grin?"

Vaggie silently glared up at the fellow moth, obvious in her refusal to give him a reply.

"Umm, would you two like to come inside and wait for him?"

"Charlie?! You can't just let these-these... _gamberros_ in here!"

Vox leaned down, digital eyes peering at the shortstack of spice. "Excuse yz-yx-you. Isn't that up tz-tx-to your girly to decide?"

An angelic spear was suddenly in the flat face of the overlord, the latina visibly seething at his gall. Charlie was prompt to step between them, smile civil and mediating. "Just a moment, please!"

Before they could reply, she gently clicked the entry door closed, only to turn around and see they had a small audience.

Husk leaned against the wall, body language drawling out how unamused he was. Their resident porn star stood just behind him, arms wrapped around himself. The smallest of the hotel staff was the only one who seemed genuinely excited by the unexpected visit.

"Oh my gosh! They must be here for Alastor finally! Ooooh, where is he? Should I go get him?!" Niffty was bouncing in place so rapidly, that Charlie could just about _feel_ the heat she must've been producing.

"He answered the door...then left."

"Psh smart o' him. Woulda left if it were me." Angel didn't meet her gaze, preoccupied by some interesting spot on the wall.

Husk lifted his shoulder with the barest of effort. "What do we do with them?"

Charlie glanced around at the others, then gave a reassuring beam. "I think we should invite them in. Angel, maybe you and Cherri could have a night out?"

"Way ahead o' ya, toots. Ain't gonna be bossed around at work _and_ home." Angel's fingers zoomed over the keys on his hellphone, anxiously tapping out a text to his friend.

" _Mierda_ , we can't let them waltz in like they own the place!"

"We aren't going to! I just think...this could be a good chance for Alastor."

"Hmph and the hotel, huh?" The bartender chipped in sardonically.

Charlie deflated, her happy-high-helium escaping from the wound Husk's comment inflicted. "Sure, their influence would help. But this is about Alastor's well being. That's more important."

The others fell silent, hushed by the overwhelming sentiment. A few beats of pause and Angel's phone beeped, a grin crossing that wild and sultry countenance.

"See ya lates, doll. Fill me in on how Smiles reacts, woulda ya?" Giving her a salute, he was out the back entrance in a jiffy.

Taking a deep and rallying breath, the royal sinner stood up straight and marched to the door, pulling it open with showmanship.

"Welcome to the Happy Hotel! Come in, take a seat!"

Vox squinted quizzically, his 2D gaze glancing up a moment before he shook his head. "Thanks, bx-bz-blondie. Appreciate the offer."

"What a good lil' hostess. Ya really doin' us a solid here."

The duo were easily the tallest of the group, hallway filled with more overlord than staff combined. Charlie was smiling like sunshine as she led them to the living room, sitting places aplenty.

Far faster to plant himself on the sofa, the livewire was instantly distracted. "Wx-wz-wait...a brand new Vony Smart TV? Nz-nx-no way you could afford this." The question was unvoiced, instead prickling the statement with disbelief and judgement.

"It was re-gifted from ya _deerly_ spoiled. To replace the one he broke." Husk rolled his eyes, arms crossing defensively.

"Oh yes! Alastor got sooooo mad at the news that he crushed the television! Hehe Vaggie was _livid_ , but Alastor gave us this one!"

"I still say he should've had to do something as punishment. _Qué un payaso, aye mios dios._ "

"The fz-fx-fz-fuck could have made him _that_ pz-px-pissed off?"

Niffty giggled as if the walking talking box had said the most hilarious joke in Hell. "Lucky make up number seven! He was in suuuuch a bad mood that day!"

Charlie was a tad late in covering the cyclop's mouth, visibly nervous. "Niffty, gossiping about others isn't polite!"

"Naw naw, let the pint size poodle skirt spill 'em beans. What was he cookin', lil' mama?"

Valentino took a seat on the worn couch, patting beside him with a conspiratory grin.

Niffty was immediately gone from Charlie's grasp, appearing on the pimp's left with an overeager beam. "He was super duper antsy after the seventh break up, but none of us could figure out why!"

Vox made a whirring sound, his face disappearing as all power was focused internally. It took a solid minute, then his gaze returned, focused fully on the moth demon. "What did yz-yx-you give him?"

"Hold up, why is it my fault all of a sudden?"

" _Bz-bx-because_ , I just scoured my memory. Chx-chz-chronologically. All receipts and bz-bx-backed up documents. I didn't do ax-az-anything worth getting mad at."

Tension seeped in the limited space between them on the couch, seconds ticking away on the hotel's grandfather clock, before Valentino was raising all four claws in defense.

"Aight, it _might_ have been my bad-"

"What dz-dx-did you do?"

"...just told him a bunch of sappy shit. Mushy stuff. My emotions and whatnot."

Vox rubbed his flat brow, the picture scrunched beneath his claw. "You spilled yz-yx-your guts then, immediately, got bx-bz-back together with me? You're a fucking dx-dz-dumbass, babe."

"What? I thought it'd spook him if I showed up at random."

"Oh, yz-yx-you mean like how thx-thz-this went?

"Aye, naw naw, I took a chance today 'cause all signs pointed to him bein' into us."

Vox's growl was all static in its soreness, "You mx-mz-mean being into yz-yx-you, yeah? Because az-ax-all I see are _yz-yx-your_ gifts."

The petty argument was cut into promptly, Charlie entering their peripheral with raised hands. "Actually, he keeps both of yours gifts!"

"Whz-whx-what?" The TV demon turned his glare towards the princess.

She gulped, then nodded steadily. "Y-yeah. That television? At first, he only told us he was getting rid of the presents. So we were surprised he still had that. And then there's the…" Charlie trailed off, looking very unsure about continuing.

Husk's gruff tone came from behind her, picking up the grenade she was too afraid to pull the pin on. "He's got rooms dedicated to the both of ya. Right across from his. 'Cause he's a fuckin' dumbass hoarder who can't get rid of the shit ya keep sendin' him."

The owner of the hotel turned in shock to her alcoholic companion then, with a jumpy expression, looked back to her guests as she shakily pulled keys out of her pocket.

"I suppose...you would like to see them?"


	5. Hand-Stitching & Déjà Vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vox & Valentino get a chance to see a side of Alastor they hadn't anticipated

The elevator doors opened to let out static foreign to the hallway, three pairs of footfalls making their way along the carpeting. Coming to two neighboring doors, the shortest of the three stopped them then turned, her smile anxious in every sense.

"So um...here we are. I don't think this is necessarily a good idea, but-"

"But nothin',  _ chiquita. _ Furball said it himself. These rooms are dedicated to us. I think we can handle whatever Bambi does if-"

"When-"

"- _ when _ he finds out. So chill out, aight?"

"Well...if you're so certain."

"I am. We got this, right babe?"

He turned to where he thought Vox was still standing, only to find him glued to one of the doors like a bug on a trap.

"The fuck ya doin'?"

"Bz-bx-babe. He's got shit plx-plz-plugged in. A looot of it. I can fz-fx-fucking feel the electrical output through the door."

"Huh...so that's why the bill went up."

"Let me gz-gx-go first, baby. Fx-fz-fucking  _ please. _ "

He couldn't very well say no to those Nintendog eyes, at least not without feeling like an asshole. Sighing melodramatically, he waved his hand in the direction of Vox's door and gave the princess a nod.

Shuffling between the electric powered sinner and the wooden barrier, she laughed breathily as she unlocked it then hurried out of the way. In a couple seconds flat, Vox was barreling through the entry, followed more calmly by his lover. 

Charlie made her way farther down the hall to lean against a wall, patient and likely not wanting to chance Alastor's reaction should she intrude. "I'll be here when you move on to Valentino's!"

The thumbs up of one pimp hand came in reply, then retreated with the rest of the moth. Standing just inside the room, he took in the oddity of a treasure trove covered in gifts his beau had sent.

~ ~ ~ ~

Gasps and groans punctuated every other breath, the TV demon like a kid in a candy store of his own creation, as he made his way around the area. Keyboard sat beside a speaker. Camcorder sandwiched between projector and laptop.

"Holy fx-fz-fucking shit. He really kept them. Organization isn't thx-thz-the best but damn, still."

Scanning anything his vision could get access to, he compiled a list of equipment, comparing them to his internally stored receipts. Nearly 100% accounted for. Fucking hell. He felt his energy levels thrum in a boost, bright grin growing in saturation. 

Noting a large tote placed suspiciously close to the plugged-in entertainment devices, his eyes got larger. "No wz-wx-way." Yanking the lid off, he let his head fall back in a laugh, stacks of DVDs sitting inside.

Looking towards the DVD player, a cackle rose from his throat to see a handmade pamphlet atop of it. One he personally knew was a playful guide for Alastor to learn how to watch the discs.

Catching his attention though, was a notebook tucked between the stacks. Taking it out like it may break, he didn't see anything on either cover, so he opened it.

The writing inside made his static fuzz loudly as he brought it closer to his face. "Well...fz-fx-fuck me up."

Every DVD had its own dedicated page, complete with the deer demon's well-mannered print. Skimming through hastily, he grinned to see most of them had notes.

He wanted to sit there and read through them all, but taking into account the alphabetical order, he settled with the one he was most curious about.

_ Grease _

_ Times Watched:  _ _ IIII  _ _ II _

_ Summary: Innocent darling has a summer fling with a pompous boy who must use grease instead of shampoo. They end up going to the same school and drama ensues. Despite their differences, the two drive off into the sun together. _

_ Personal Thoughts: Daniel is a scoundrel. Sandra is a dear, and looks quite nice in black. She could do better though. Vox said I am "the Sandy to his Danny" in his letter. Scandalous. He is twice as pompous as Daniel, and half as greasy. _

_ He IS at least ten times as charming _

An exhale got abruptly tripped over, sending him into a coughing fit as he pounded his chest. He hadn't been expecting the compliment, let alone that Alastor must've been overly conscious of it in order to cross it out.

"Aye, babe, not to interrupt ya fun, but is that doll from ya?"

His head whipped up, eyes darting around to find the item in question. Sure enough, hiding amongst televisions and speakers on the farthest wall, was a glass case protecting a miniature... _ him _ ?

Leaving the notebook alongside the tote, he couldn't get up and cross over to the curiosity fast enough. He leaned down to be at eye level with it, scrutiny narrowing his gaze like a detective as Valentino joined his investigation.

Perfectly proportionate. Seamless stitching and handiwork. He didn't need a database to know that a lot of effort went into making this doll, but nonetheless, his pulse kicked into gear. The endearment was nothing short of flattering.

"Whoa, he mz-mx-made a mini-me! It's so dx-dz-detailed!"

" _ Amor... _ isn't that like a voodoo doll? Can't he hurt ya with that?"

"Oh...rz-rx-right."

"Why's he got somethin' like that in here?"

"I dunno, bz-bx-but I wonder how he got the head thx-thz-the right shape."

Impulsively, he reached out to lift the case up. Inches from the glass, he was hit with a sudden stinging on the back of his hand, his eyes squeezing shut out of reflex.

"Babe! What the fz-fx-fuck?!"

"Fuckin' open ya eyes, dipshit, it wasn't me."

Rubbing his assaulted flesh, he opened an eye to find a small inky tentacle had manifested from the base. It waggled its tip side to side, as if reprimanding him for his action.

"Wait, what? Is Alastor az-ax-actually here?"

"Naw, think that's some kinda protection magic."

"Hmmmmm…"

When he reached out a second time to test the theory, the tendril merely wrapped around his wrist, halting his advance. No matter how much he pushed, it held resolute. Whatever this was, he wouldn't get through it. Least not without being crafty.

"Alright, alright. I gz-gx-get the point. No tx-tz-touching."

"Wait, babe. If ya gotta doll then-"

~ ~ ~ ~

He couldn't even finish his sentence. Not when the answer was literally on the other side of the wall. 

Using brisk strides to exit the room, he called out, " _ Princesa, _ unlock my door would ya?"

The hotel owner was already on her way, avoidant eyes telling him that she had been listening to them. Smart. Letting in near strangers and allowing them free reign would've been suicide.

He tapped his stiletto on the carpet, trying not to hurry the key she turned, but found it difficult not to express his mounting impatience. Once the click of the lock came, he waited for her to move away before he burst through.

The decor welcomed him with a strong sense of déjà vu, vertigo springing up to wobble his vision. He had to take a steadying inhale to keep from losing his balance, before he could even fully step into the bedroom.

Wallpaper, furniture, carpet. All should've been foreign to him. However, their patterns had this feel of  _ home _ in his mind, like he belonged there. The bed, as on brand as it was, especially seemed to call to him.

Familiar crimson sheets brought a startled grunt as images of a writhing, squirming,  _ needy _ Alastor were coaxed from the recesses of his subconscious. He went rigid, ghosts of moans and sighs assaulting his memory, satin whispers on his skin.

Claws ran over the fabric backdrop of so many dreams, tastes of paradise he had dubbed impossible. These things he had tucked away mentally, were seemingly more real than he dared to hope.

Bringing the cloth up to his face, he caught a lingering scent weaved into the very fibers. A powerful musk, likely one that couldn't be washed out easily. Earthy. Spiced. Natural. 

He breathed it in out of wonder, just to feel his heart drop for a split second.

He knew this smell. Not well, no, but he remembered the singular occurrence of it as if it happened this morning.

"Holy fuck…"

"Whz-whx-what?"

Startled twitch shook his frame. He was so absorbed by the discoveries that Vox's presence went unnoticed, the chatterbox letting his head dip on one side.

"Bambi's been in the penthouse."

"How? My security system shz-shx-should've picked him up."

"I don't know, dumbass. Maybe just his shadow then? Either way, he was there."

The TV demon rubbed at his flat chin, mulling the information over. Whirring internally got a fraction louder, then slowed back down to a hum.

"That...mz-mx-makes sense. The system can't detect whz-whx-what doesn't trip the sensors. Hz-hx-how did you figure that out?"

His blood boiled in the best of way as he held a fistful of sheet, grin two notches too high.

"This scent. Well,  _ his _ scent. It's what I was smellin' on my coat that week."

"When you randomly lz-lx-lost it?"

"I didn't fuckin' lose it, for the millionth time, dipshit. I knew where it was. Fuckin' thing vanished. I double check? It's back suddenly."

"So…yx-yz-you think he took it that time? Why?"

" _ Por qué _ ? Ya goddamn fuckin' dumbass. With how long it lingered, there's only one way it got on there."

"Are you saying...hz-hx-he was fx-fz-fucking  _ wearing _ your coat?"

Barely slits now, his eyes made contact with the tiny double across the room. It grinned at him almost mockingly from the safety of the glass, its sewn-smile egging on his fervent state of mind. Without a second to reconsider the course of action, he rushed over to it.

Expectedly, a shadowy appendage shot out to stop his claw, then a second one as he moved the matching digits.

"Ooh, just how clever were ya, Bambi~?"

With a challenged purpose, he went for the case with his second pair of claws simultaneously. A triumphant cackle roared from his throat when they met no resistance, the barrier between his persistent fingers. Alastor had accounted for an average intruder, but he wasn't your typical demon.

Knocking the glass to the side, he held onto the tentacles tight, their wriggling growing more violent in his grip. It took such little effort to pick up the small Valentino look-alike, that a laugh of amazement bubbled from him.

The doll was stunningly plush, his thumb caressing its cheek only to hiss in shock as he felt his own skin respond to an invisible touch.

"My fuckin' god...Bambi, just what did ya make these for?"

A gentle squeeze on its abdomen made him groan, only to feel the thing disappear in a rush of shivery prickles a moment later. His eyes widened to see that pitch black had swallowed up his doll-offending claws.

"What the fuck yo?!"

Backing up, he watched as the space where the mimic of himself had been was consumed in shadow. The mass seemed to pour itself out of thin air, growing and stretching itself into proper form. 

As it materialized its shape, he came face to face with a figure rivalling him in size and limbs. Chills crawled up his spine, the cocksure smirk in front of him like a mirror image dipped in ink. 

Yet, that did not compare to the unanticipated screech of static that shook his bone marrow from behind him.

" _ What. Are. You. Doing?" _

**Author's Note:**

> Just to reiterate these awesome people!:  
> @Mpeeniet: Meme inspiration  
> @AwesomeInTheor1: The galaxy brain that feeds me ideas  
> @vol_ctrl: The man behind the Max Headroom glitch headcanon


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